Making Sense of Smell

Before I dive into today's subject I want to point out a small milestone in the life of the blog. This will mark my 50th posting. Now, in the world of blogs 50 postings is far from noteworthy, but it shouldn't hurt to celebrate even the little accomplishments. My friend and fellow blogger, Katy Staley, author of the always entertaining, katydidwhat, recently celebrated her 100th posting. That seems like a much more impressive number, and I commend her for being so consistent. I've always admired sticktoitiveness.


It has taken me way too long to think of a good transition into the main subject matter so I'll get right to it. I have a terrible sense of smell. To be more specific, I have a poor sense of terrible smells. And to put it yet another way, I smell good things, but have trouble smelling bad things.

If you know me well, you already know this. Let's face it, if you know me well, you already know almost everything about me. I'm a fairly open person. Not many dark secrets.

I believe that this all originates from a dare. My sister once bet me a quarter that I wouldn't smell her awful smelling feet. Of course, I took the bet. Since then it just hasn't been the same. Every time someone comments on a skunk I smell nothing. I don't think I've ever smelled skunk. I don't know what skunk smells like! The same goes for gas, body odor, and even smoke.

The odd thing is that I can smell good things without much trouble. I can smell candy and flowers and perfume and cut grass and cookies and many others. This leads me to believe that maybe this goes beyond a physical abnormality. Maybe I have a type of selective smell. Maybe it's the next step in human evolution. Probably not. It doesn't make much sense for survival to have someone who can't smell gas, smoke, or any number of deadly warning smells.

But in a world ripe with bad odors, I like to think of my little abnormality as a gift. While others are devastated by foul aromas I will be able to keep a clear head. That is, until the deadly gas goes to work on my nervous system.

What Ke$ha is Truly Saying

I had much fun analyzing Lady Gaga's lyrics last week, so I figured I'd try it again with another favorite among young people, Kesha (also spelled Ke$ha). Is it possible that she too is artistically addressing humanity's deepest conflicts?!? Or, is she just a no talent floozy?

Watch the video. Note the 80's theme throughout with the clothing, hair, and large stereo. Also note that she begins and ends in a bathtub, and it is likely that neither are located in her own home.

Tik Tok
(This is the sound a clock makes. This song will deal with the passage of time. "Tik" is slang for Crystal Meth. When I looked for a meaning for Tok, I found Theory of Knowledge, which is basically the study of how we know things. I'm not going to give Ke$ha that much credit. Let's stick with the drugs. Meth makes you feel energetic and alert. It can also increase libido and induce euphoria, which is a sense of well-being. It's also extremely addictive, but I won't get into the evils of drugs right now. Crystal Meth seems like a good choice for someone like Ke$ha who lives and dies by the club scene. So I suppose the title is sort of clever. Sort of.)

Ke$ha
(Her full name is Kesha Rose Sebert and she is twenty-three. Now, the dollar sign. It could have to do with her name sounding like the word "cash". Actually, it probably has a lot to do with that. Beyond that, perhaps she is knowingly, or unknowingly, addressing the fact that she has become a hot commodity. She is a money making object.)

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (Hey, what up girl?) Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city (Lets go) Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack 'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

(She wakes up feeling like someone else. P Diddy is a popular artist, and someone she would have heard in the club the night before. I wouldn't be surprised if this is just an excuse to have P Diddy say a few lines at the beginning of the song. What the hell does P Diddy feel like? Is this common knowledge? Does P Diddy feel like a trashed woman waking up in a strange bath tub?
Anyway, I think it's odd that she says she's "out the door" and then two lines later says "before I leave". Maybe "out the door" is more about her intention to leave. Either way, it's confusing. Then she brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels, which means she takes a swig. She does this because she isn't coming back to the house she woke up in. This could either mean that she woke up in a strange house after sleeping with a strange man, or it could mean that she doesn't intend to return to her home. Whatever the case, she takes a drink to drown her negative feelings.)


I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes Trying on all our clothes, clothes Boys blowing up our phones, phones Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs Pulling up to the parties Trying to get a little bit tipsy

(This is all about appearances. She is trying to look good for the boys because it feels good for boys to want her. Drop topping is about blasting music in a convertible. She's all about herself and people paying attention to her. Then she says, "trying to get a little bit tipsy". Is this a buzz designed to loosen her up? Probably.)

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock, on the clock But the party don't stop, no

(The refrain is repeated. "Don't stop" refers to the partying. Since the music video has her waking up in a tub, preparing for the club, going to the club, and waking up in a tub all over again, we can assume that she is in a never ending cycle of partying. The party don't stop. Just as the hands of a clock go around and around and around, she keeps doing the same cycle. I'm not sure about her fighting until she sees the sunlight. What is she fighting? I think she just needed to rhyme a few words.)

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

(This part upsets me. She doesn't have any cares, but she has plenty of beer. I suppose she's contrasting quantities. No Cares/ Yes Beer. What's the connection? The next line is even worse. No money, but she's already here. Where is she? Is she in a state of intoxication already so she doesn't need to buy any more booze or drugs? Then we have the last line about dudes looking like Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger is an ugly dude. He's popular despite his appearance. His physical appearance is not an asset in his portfolio. Is Ke$ha showing us how messed up she is by making such a poor choice of judgment?)

I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk

(Holy smokes! Lady Gaga is looking like Leonardo Da Vinci in comparison to this garbage. Everyone is getting drunk and guys are feeling her up. Don't worry though, cause she is going to smack them if they get out of hand. Nice. )

Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out Or the police shut us down, down Police shut us down, down Po-po shut us

(Fight the power! Not for any just cause, but for purely selfish and destructive reasons. )

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no

(Make it pop. Do I need to elaborate? And throw in a few more meaningless rhymes while you're at it.)

DJ, you build me up You break me down My heart, it pounds Yeah, you got me With my hands up You got me now You got that sound Yeah, you got me DJ, you build me up You break me down My heart, it pounds Yeah, you got me With my hands up Put your hands up Put your hands up

(Very good Ke$ha! You used that image of getting arrested with your hands up to show a different kind of surrender. A willing surrender to the power of the music. Did you do this all by yourself?)

Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in

(If a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If a party starts, and Ke$ha isn't around to party, does it really start?)

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no

Ke$ha is a moron. This song has no benefit for our culture. Catchy beat though.

Dream: Street Fighter

Once in a while I have a vivid dream on an epic scale. I had one last night. Take a shot at interpreting it if you'd like.


Food Eaten Before Bed: 2 Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches From Trader Joe's

Sleeping Conditions: Mattress on the floor of my old Amherst apartment with two small fans for white noise and air flow.

Last Item Viewed or Discussed: Watched 3 episodes of Arrested Development with Paul.


Dream Description: I am in what looks like a conference center with many rows of chairs. Surrounding me are characters from the original Street Fighter (1994) movie, most notably Jean Claude Van Damme as Guile. Then I notice that M. Bison is there. The odd thing is that he isn't the actor from the movie, Raul Julia, but instead, Samuel L. Jackson. He demonstrates to us that he is unbeatable with his strength and quick movements.
Then the dream shifts to me becoming aware of an inability to escape the conference center. Bison has poisoned us with something that makes us deathly ill once we leave the building. So, we are forced to return.
Then my father appears in the dream. To teach me a lesson, Bison has his goons drag my father to the front of the room with the intention of killing him. I become enraged and desperate. I start attacking everyone around me as I try to save my father. The dream ends with almost everyone dead, but my father and I survive.


What is going on?!? Can I blame it all on the Chipwich?

What Lady Gaga is Truly Saying

I'm going to analyze this to death. Everything between (parentheses) refers to the text directly above it.

Watch the video. Note how she covers her face with her hands.





Just Dance
(The title, like Lady Gaga and this song, is riddled with ambivalence. Just often precedes a command. "Just do it" for example. It is meant to strip away any inhibitions that might be preventing an action. Just is also an adjective meaning lawful, moral, and righteous. So you have at once a push to dance without thought of consequence and the inescapable presence of justice, or consequence for immoral action.)

Lady Gaga
(Lady is a term used to identify a woman who is refined and proper. Gaga is a sound babies make and often associated with the sexually charged response that a man has toward an attractive woman. He went "gaga" for her. So in the name you have Lady, which brings to mind class, order, propriety, and Gaga, which brings to mind the carnal, and improper.)

I’ve had a little bit too much
All of the people star to rush (start to rush by)
A dizzy twister dance
Can’t find my drink or man
Where are my keys?
I lost my phone

What’s goin’ on, on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore keep it cool
What’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, a-alright

(The singer begins in a state of confusion. Where is my phone? Where is my drink? Where is the gentleman that I came in here with? She is experiencing the consequences of her revelry. Then she says, "It's alright". But of course it isn't alright. She went to great lengths to show us that nothing is alright. She is drunk, confused, and alone. She simply tells herself that it's alright in order to continue "the dance". Otherwise, she would be forced to accept the fact that she is lost and alone.)

Chorus:
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
D-d-d dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-JUST DANCE!

(She repeats the command four times. JUST DANCE! And she reassures herself that it is going to be ok. Also, look at the "Da da doo doot" gibberish. Doesn't this look like more baby talk? Da da. Ga ga. That's because this is the fleshy, impulse driven, carnal side of her nature. It makes it easier to forget that things are not alright.)

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth
How’d I turn my shirt inside out (inside out right)
Control your poison babe
Roses have thorns they say
And we’re all gettin’ hosed tonight!

What’s goin’ on, on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore keep it cool
What’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, a-alright

(Here we have more of the same. There is a strong sense that she is aware of her sad condition. She even wishes she could shut her playboy mouth and control her poison. She knows that her recklessness has consequences. Her words and actions are harming herself and others. Nevertheless, she tells herself that things are alright)

Chorus:
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
D-d-d dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-JUST DANCE!

(More false affirmation)

When I come through on the dance floor checkin’ out that catalogue
Can’t believe my eyes so many women without a flaw
And I ain’t gonna give it up, steady trying to pick it up like a call
I’m a hit it up beat it up latch on to it until tomorrow yeah

(This is coming from a man. First, notice that he refers to the women as catalogues. They are attractive like models one would find in a catalogue, and since Lady Gaga included the word playboy earlier in the song it's not a far reach to make that connection. He continues to describe the women as flawless. Once again, like models. In the next two lines he reveals his tremendous lack of respect for their humanity. He threatens to "hit" "beat up" and "latch on" to one until tomorrow. He is a wolf and the confused lost woman is a sheep.)

Shorty I can see that you got so much energy\\
The way you twirlin’ up them hips round and round
And there is no reason at all why you can’t leave here with me
In the meantime stay let me watch you break it down and

( To him, she has so much energy, or life. But really, it is fake. She is not full of life. The attraction is superficial. And if you look at the third line he makes it clear that he will have his way. "There is no reason at all why you can't leave here with me." Of course, she can't reason anyway since she is so disoriented. There will be consequences for her actions.)

Chorus:
DANCE!
Gonna be ok
Dad a doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Spin that record babe
Dad a doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
D-d-d dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-JUST DANCE!

Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint it’s symphonic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint it’s symphonic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic

(Notice how she covers her face throughout the song. Usually, she only covers about half of her face. That's because part of her realizes that she is sick and psychotic and the other half chooses to ignore it. The part that realizes her true state of being is ashamed and so covers it up. The electronic symphony coming from the music allows her to dance. The electronic symphony gives her a purpose and a structure. Like a blueprint for a building)


Go use your muscle car-ve it out work it, hustle! (I got it just stay close enough to go it on)
Don’t slow! Drive it, clean it Lysol, bleed it
Spend the last dough (I’ve got it) in your pocko (I’ve got it)

(I think this is about all of the things people do to get through life. They spend money on things. Then they tell themselves "I've got it", but that is as much a lie as "It's alright" within the song.)
Chorus:
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be ok
D-d-d dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-JUST DANCE!



(Just Dance is a song about the ways that people cover up the truth. The truth is that they are not alright. Lady Gaga is a genius.)

Failed Attempts at Writing Fiction

Over the years, I have written a number of short stories. For every one that is written to completion there are about five that don't make it past the first paragraph. Here are a few of my failed attempts.

October 2005

He had killed hundreds of thousands of men on the battlefield, but he could not control his bladder.

The three ghost ninjas appeared before him.

"Names we unleash upon your substance. I is Mekaky. This are Nojo, ain't Mitserugi."

"Greet you."

"Greet to you as well."

November 2006

The nameless man stood alone in a seemingly endless desert. A gray haze smothered the heavens, which made it impossible to separate the earth from sky in the distant horizon because everything came together. He circled around himself to find nothing. If he walked in any direction it would surely be the start of an eternal journey from nowhere to nowhere. So he sat down and thought to himself.

January 2007

In the midst of over twelve billion spirits he proclaimed his undying love to her. Of course this was preposterous since they would someday be sent to Earth as infants, and the odds of reaching maturity and joining as lovers was minuscule. Not only would they have to be sent around the same time period, but they would also have to find one another. It is like choosing one grain of salt, tossing it into the middle of the ocean, and then hoping to find it again. That is the reason why she told him to forget it.

April 2007

It really wasn’t even a question, he would pick non-existence over eternal life on this planet in a heartbeat.

January 2008

He turned the light off and closed his eyes in order to visualize a space beyond his normal perception. All he knew was limited vision, standard vision, and the time had come to see if his mind could really create anything new. Sure, it could recycle any experience in just about any way, but what about something truly original? His English professor had said, “We’re nothing more than filters of the world”, and since those words first entered his head, Tom felt unsettled.

In the beginning, there was nothing, a void. But, Tom thought, isn’t a void something? He wanted to leave thoughts of this nature behind, but they always stuck close. It only made sense to begin with nothing, or at least darkness without form.

February 2008

“I remember the moment I realized that I wasn’t the center of everything,” he said.

Cindy was desperate for a man, but this guy wasn’t on the same plane.

“I was riding in the back seat of my parent’s car. It was raining. I don’t remember where we were going, but I guess that’s not important.” Her eye began to twitch. The food had not come yet. “I looked out the window at all of these cars at a four-way intersection. All of those people in all of those cars, and I didn’t know any of them.” She faked an interest. It wouldn’t be the last time. “I suppose it was at that moment that it hit me hard. If there are all of these people in the world, and they are all heading in different directions for different reasons, than the world is more than myself. People exist without knowing who I am, and I exist without knowing them.”

Tom glanced at the couple sitting in the restaurant as he walked by himself. It must have been just warm enough for rain. His jacket seemed designed to absorb moisture. This suffering is temporary and necessary. They can’t all be sunny days. Tom reassured himself of this truth many times during his walk.

Two young boys sat on their windowsill in order to watch the poor people get wet. It was more of an unchecked curiosity than a twisted pleasure.

“You know when you go to bed and you get that falling feeling?”

“Yeah, I know the feeling. It’s crazy.”

“My brother says you die for a split second when that happens.”

“No way. I don’t believe you.”

“Fine, but it’s true.”

The boys saw an ambulance splash a man on the side of the road when it tore through a puddle.

“Save him,” the dieing woman begged.

“We’re going to save both of you,” the paramedic replied.

The bullet had missed the unborn child, but it had pierced her stomach. Acid had already begun to eat away at her insides.

“You have, you have to save him.” Her voice was weakening.

“You need to save your energy.”

The woman reached out with her right hand and caressed his cheek. The paramedic didn’t make any effort to stop her.

“He’s special. Save him.”

June 2009

A brilliant scientist discovered the secrets of time travel. Of course, the moment it happened, the entire universe ceased to exist: past, present, and future. The reason for this is that his discovery would inevitably lead to a time paradox, which shatters the perfect balance of existence. Fortunately for the scientist everything went back to normal after 500 trillion years of nothingness when the universe realized that if nothing ever existed then the scientist couldn't have caused a time paradox in the first place.

August 2009

His spirit looked out toward a strange world. Billions had already passed through the thin veil, but he didn't care much for the numbers. What mattered more than statistics was his own well-being. Once a spirit entered the living realm, all freedom would dissolve. He knew this. They all knew. The last great test awaited him. One lifetime to find himself, and her.

September 2009

The old nurse stood by herself in a sterile room watching the snow accumulate. She worried about her son. He commuted out of the city around this time. Not that he had a history of accidents. He was a responsible driver. But it didn't help that every reckless driver ended up in her hospital. Sometimes she had to remind herself that most of the world wasn't on the edge of death. At least not yet.

True Hollywood Story: RPS

Narrator: You've all seen it. The film that defined a generation and broke all box office records. Now, know the story behind the scenes. This is the True Hollywood Story of RPS:Rock, Paper, Scissors.

In the winter of 2006, four young men got together to make a film...a film about a game.

Dave: (Wearing a top hat and monocle) I wrote the script thinking it would be nothing more than an inside joke. Imagine that someone's life is destroyed based on the outcome of rock paper scissors. It's silly...or so I thought.

Narrator: When they decided to post their short film on Youtube, it only took a few days to receive a million views. It became an internet phenomenon. Soon, every news outlet in the world was broadcasting it. For the boys, it was a wild ride of interviews and offers.

John: (Smoking a cigarette and wearing an eye patch) We didn't know what to make of it. One day we're normal people, and the next we're worldwide celebrities. Every studio wanted a piece of us. But Dave didn't want any part of it.

Dave: I was afraid of what the fame and money would do to us. And I believed in the pure artistic vision of our 4 minute and 28 second short. But in the end, none of us could resist the pressure from all sides. We had to make our movie.

Narrator: Brendon Lange and Chris Cavalieri were more receptive.

Brendon: (Wearing a lab coat) I told the guys, "This is our opportunity!" We would be fools to pass it up... (Looks away from the camera) Fools.

Chris: (from a 2007 interview) It seemed completely out of our hands. Nevertheless, we were happy.

Narrator: The film was picked up by Twentieth Century Fox. It had a budget of 350 million. After a grueling casting process the studio decided to have Tom Cruise in place of Dave, Will Smith in place of Brendon, Keanu Reeves in place of John, and Steven Seagal in place of Chris. When it was released, it grossed 240 million in its first weekend. Over the next two months it would go on to gross 23 billion worldwide. In its wake, RPS crippled every other major studio, and changed the face of entertainment forever.











Dave: We weren't sure about the 380 minute run-time, but audiences didn't seem to mind. Some people, I'm told, purchased homes closer to the theater in order to be near the film.

Narrator: The awards seemed to rain down from heaven. RPS won 36 Oscars, and even led to the creation of more categories. But not everyone was ready to jump on this glory train. Some critics criticized the film for being four hours too long. Others accused the film of lacking in plot. But no criticism was more crushing than that of John Benton himself.

John: "What the hell was that?" I asked everyone after my first viewing. It was the worst film I had ever seen. I felt like a crazy person as the whole world seemed to be eager to jump off a cliff for this train wreck. I couldn't accept the money. That's why I decided to live in the ocean.

Narrator: Since there was no place on land to escape the frenzy, John purchased a house boat and set sail. Unfortunately, he was attacked by a school of stingrays.

John: They got my eye. It was a low point for me.

Narrator: As the money poured in, each man responded in his own way. Dave became a wealthy elite snob. Brendon became obsessed with time travel. He used his billions to construct a time machine. But no one could have foreseen the tragedy that awaited...

Brendon: I convinced him to do it. And not a day goes by that I don't regret it.

Narrator: Chris Cavalieri would be the first person to attempt to travel back in time. On July 6, 2009 the time machine blazed with blinding light. It shot Chris into the 1860's.

Dave: I remember the first time I heard his name after that. It was on a program about the death of Abraham Lincoln. "In Ford's Theater, Lincoln was shot in the back of the head by Christopher Cavalieri." It was hard to accept. And none of us could understand why he would have done it. It's hard to think that your movie led to all this. That silly short inside joke of a movie.

The Unabridged Golden Rule

You've heard it many times; do unto others as you would have them do to you. To put it a different way, treat people the way you want to be treated. This is commonly referred to as The Golden Rule. Did you know that this is only the second part of a two part command?

Here is the complete Golden Rule.
One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:28-31)




Love your neighbor (other people) as yourself. Immediately we have to ask, "What is love"? And not only what it is but also, "How can I love other people as I love myself"?
Certainly, everyone will have an answer in some form or another to both questions, and those answers will shape their understanding of love and their ability to express it. This is why I believe that the first part of the command is far more important than the second. The first part is the substance.



Jesus was saying that in order to truly love people, you have to love him (God) first. To the follower of Christ, what is love apart from God? What is the Golden Rule apart from God?


Who do you love?